How Bad is Iron for You? by Sam KW.
Starsky took two steps at a time climbing towards Hutch’s apartment on a Monday morning only to find Hutch in a very bad mood. He looked at his watch, and to his relief found that he was NOT late like he usually was on most of the days. He held the door and Hutch walked out like a storm.
"Good morning to you too, partner," said Starsky, but heard nothing back.
"What’s bugging you?" Starsky asked after a five minute long silence during their drive to work.
"I'm fine," came the short reply from a grouchy man.
"Doesn’t sound like ‘fine’ to me" Starsky said softly, tilting his head to a side.
"The damn thing said, no iron. NO IRON! And that is exactly why I bought them, and then I had to spend the whole morning-" Hutch stopped, shaking his head. "I don’t want to talk about it."
Starsky knew he was not going to get anything else out of Hutch. So he had to figure out what this was all about.
‘No iron’ – ‘iron’- Did he mean iron like in ‘you have to eat your spinach to get your iron’kind of iron? Of course! Hutch was all about eating healthy and trying those nutrient powders and stuff. He must have got some of his vitamin and mineral pills, and
he must have looked and bought something without iron -- but why? Well... Hutch is weird when it comes to what he puts in his body (sigh!)
So… anyway… Hutch must've bought the stuff thinking that there is no iron in it, but later found out that it had iron.
How did he find that, and most importantly, why does it matter?
"Why did you look for this stuff with no iron?" asked Starsky.
"Because it makes life a little bit easier in the morning. Now, is that too much to ask?" snapped Hutch.
"No. Of course not," Starsky said hurriedly, not wanting to make Hutch angrier.
How did something that had ‘no iron’ made life ‘easier' in the morning? What was the problem with iron?
Iron supplements cause constipation. That was it! YES! That’s what Hutch wanted to say, but didn’t quite get to it.
Ahh… Poor Hutch. He must have had a very hard time in the bathroom. Literally, a hard time, and that explains why he didn’t want to talk about it. Who would want to?
Starsky made up his mind to be the dutiful partner to rescue Hutch from his misery. He vowed he would do whatever it takes without letting Hutch know that Starsky knows what Hutch was going through.
"Did you have breakfast?"
"I didn’t have time," Hutch answered.
Starsky winced.
Ahhh Hutch- having iron but not having breakfast will only add to the pain, but of course you didn’t know it had iron.
(sigh!)
"I will get something for ya," Starsky said, stopping at ‘Uncle Dan’s Bakery,’ which was on their way to work.
He went in and browsed all the goodies, and very carefully chose ‘high in fiber’ muffins and ‘whole wheat’ bagels. He was going to be a sport and eat just the stuff Hutch will be eating.
He stopped himself before ordering coffee.
I'm sure I had heard somewhere that coffee is bad for constipation because it dehydrates you.
So instead of coffee, Starsky bought two bottles of vanilla flavored milk.
Hutch was pleasantly surprised to see what Starsky had bought and his moodiness start to disappear in no time.
"Whhellhh…, Starsk, where are those huge blueberry muffins you used to eat?" Hutch took a look in the bag and asked. He was all smiles. Starsky was finally making an effort to eat right, and then Hutch saw the milk. This was too good to be true! Starsky always got his coffee, with lots of cream and sugar.
"No Coffee? Why this change of heart suddenly?" Hutch asked, opening a bottle of vanilla milk.
"Got the good stuff. Only the good stuff for my partner."
"Looks like you are having the same."
"I'm going to have what ever you are going to have. That's what partner's are for!" said Starsky, parking the Tornio in front of the
Metro.
Hutch couldn’t understand what had come over his partner suddenly, but he wasn't going to complain.
They entered the squad room, and Starsky disappeared into Captain Dobey’s office. He quickly explained to captain Dobey about Hutch’s condition and asked him to keep it quiet.
Hutch was gulping the rest of the milk when Starsky came back.
"Hey, Hutch. I need to go out for minute. Will be back soon, okay?" Starsky ruffled Hutch’s hair, and was out of the squad room in no time.
What the hell was Starsky up to? Hutch was trying to figure out when Captain Dobey made an appearance.
"Good morning, Hutchinson. How was your weekend?" he asked.
Hutch wondered why Dobey was interested in his weekend when he never really paid attention to what they did during their spare
time.
"Morning, captain," Hutch answered. "Well, errrr... nothing much. Really... just a plain weekend," he smiled awkwardly.
"Humppf," Dobey grunted his usual. "You should take better care of yourself and pay attention to what you buy. These
stores sell all sorts of stuff with wrong label all the time. Shouldn't buy anything if it is not a reputed brand," he said and disappeared back to his office, stifling his smile.
Hutch stared at the closing door not knowing what made Dobey say what he said just now.
Hutch was in deep thought when he Starsky hopped back to the squad room with a brown bag.
"Did you go and buy more stuff for breakfast?" Hutch asked.
"This?" Starsky raised the brown bag he had in his hand. "Ahh, no, this is something else. Nothin’ for you to worry about."
"Worry about? Why should I worry about what you bought, unless like Dobey just said, you bought something that you were not supposed to buy just because it had the wrong label."
Starsky's mouth fell open. "Dobey said that? Damn it. I told him to keep his mouth shut." Starsky cursed under his breath and hurried back into Dobey’s office.
Hutch sighed. Both his partner and his boss were behaving very strangely this morning.
Starsky came back, caught the door with his foot and closed it with a bang ignoring Dobey’s warnings. "That should teach him to keep his mouth shut. You would think he would know by now when to say and when to not to say somethin’ when you are asked to not to say something,’" Starsky muttered.
Hutch decided what ever it was, he was better off not knowing what was going on.
Dobey appeared back in the squad room with two files.
"Hutchinson, you were supposed to finish these last week. Why are they still sitting on my desk?" He asked placing them on Hutch’s desk.
Starsky grabbed the files before even Hutch could reach them.
"I will take care of it," he snapped at his superior. Didn’t he know that stress would only add more to Hutch’s existing condition?
Dobey frowned and walked back to his office.
"Starsk? What’s going on buddy?"
"Hey, now don’t you worry about anything- Just relax. You shouldn’t get stressed out. Why don’t you finish that song you were trying to get done?"
"Starsk- we are at work! I can’t work on my song when I'm at WORK."
"Okay, then just relax. Think happy thoughts. I will get these reports done. I promise! No mistakes."
Something was not right, but Hutch had no clue what it was.
"Hey, Hutch- Would you like some prunes?" Starsky asked, trying to retrieve something from the brown bag he brought in earlier that morning.
Starsky had been to the pharmacy to get all information he needed to ‘treat’ Hutch. He was told that dried prunes were one of the best foods for Hutch's problem. "Sure," Hutch said, extending his hand.
Starsky placed the whole bag of prunes with Hutch.
Hutch nibbled at one fruit absent mindedly while adding up last month’s expenses for the expense report. By the time he was done with the report he had finished half of the prunes, to Starsky’s delight.
Starsky's plan was working perfectly.
"How are you feeling now?" Starsky asked, driving home after work that day.
Hutch was dead sure Starsky had raised that question for more than twenty times during the day.
"I'm fine, Starsk, but… are you ok?"
"Me? Of course! Why?" Starsky asked, frowning.
"Well, you have been acting very funny all day," Hutch said, remembering how he had found cups of water at his desk as soon as he emptied one. He had seen Starsky filling them up.
Starsky wondered for a minute whether he had over done it. "Have I?"
"Uhh huh."
"I... err... no... There's nothing wrong with me."
"You sure do sound funny for a guy that is feeling okay," Hutch said. Starsky's behavior was anything but normal that day. "Anyway, what are we going to have for supper?"
"We’ll eat something at Huggy’s. My treat," Starsky replied.
"What are you planning to order?"
"How about soup and salad?"
Hutch raised his eye brows. Soup and salad? Starsky wants soup and salad? Something was definitely not right with Starsky.
Once they were at The Pits Hutch ordered two beers, but Starsky stopped that, too.
"No alcohol today," he said. Alcohol leads to dehydration and dehydration will only add more minutes to Hutch’s morning routine.
"Why not?" Hutch asked bewildered.
"Because… Because we are having soup. Beer and soup do not go together," Starsky said impatiently.
"Where is my partner and what have you done with him?" Hutch wasn’t sure anymore whether he liked the ‘new’ Starsky who had made all the right choices when it came to food that day.
Starsky a garden salad and a broccoli and cheese soup that came with garlic bread.
On their way back home Starsky was unusually quiet. He was wondering whether Hutch was going to keep on taking the iron containing ‘no iron’ stuff now that he knows the truth about them. He stopped the Torino at Hutch’s apartment.
"Coming up for a beer? Come on, Starsk, what is this with this ‘thing’ with you today? I'm going to have a beer even if you
won’t."
Starsky decided to go up to Hutch's apartment. Beer or not, he had to talk to Hutch.
"You feel better now?" He couldn’t help but ask, once in Hutch’s apartment.
"I swear I'm going to strangle you if you ask that question again. What’s the matter with you?" Hutch asked
impatiently.
"You’ve got to return that stuff Hutch." Starsky got to the point right away.
"What stuff?"
"The no iron stuff."
"Come again?"
"In the morning, you told me that you bought--"
"Ohh... Ohhhhhh, that. Ahhh, don’t worry about it, Starsk. It is nothing." Hutch said smiling.
"How can you say that? It is NOT a NOTHING, Hutch."
"Come on, Starsk. I can wake up a couple of minutes early in the morning to get it done."
"Hutch-" Starsky was shocked. "You know that it is NOT just getting up early. I mean... you were all red in face in the morning today- I don’t want to see you like that."
"A little break out of a sweat might do me good, Starsk."
"It is not the ‘breaking’ of ‘sweat’ I'm worried about it- It is the breaking of--" Starsky stopped without continuing. He sighed. "Come on, Hutch. You’ve got to return the stuff. This is not healthy. I don’t have to explain it to you."
"I don’t know why you are worried about this so much. Really, I know I kind of over reacted in the morning. Won’t happen again,
promise!"
"Hutch- please, this is not the kind of thing that should be ‘tolerated.’ They have to go."
"Listen... I'm not going to return them. I bought three of them because I had never seen such colors before, Starsk. They were just perfect. The light orange is my favorite, and the others were sky blue and light green."
"Man, Hutch. You are losing it- What the hell does the color matter? I mean it could be red, blue, green, pink … or striped or plain or
whatever-- The color does not matter."
"Choosing the right color makes all the difference, Starsk, I think you are the one who is losing it. Just tell me- would you ever wear a pink shirt with a red tie and blue pants together with green shoes?"
"That’s different. Though I really don’t see why one can’t wear blue pants and green shoes, but still that is different. That is what you put ON your body- but This stuff you are taking is what you put IN your body, Hutch. It is not the color that matters- It is what's IN
IT that matters."
Hutch studied Starsky’s body language to see whether he was just playing the fool, but decided against it when he saw the distressed look in his eyes. Something was not right- Something told him that they were NOT talking
about the same thing.
"Starsk, what are we talking about here?"
"What do you think we are talking about, here?"
"Why don’t you tell me."
"Your ‘no iron’ stuff… what else?"
"So... what do you think this ‘no iron’ stuff is?"
"Another something you put in your morning shakes with all that other weird stuff you have in there already."
Hutch groaned and sat on the couch with his head between his palms.
That got Starsky really worried. "Buddy, you ok?"
Hutch raised his head to warn his partner about that particular question, but seeing the concerned face he warmed up. He stood up and walked into his bedroom and came back with two shirts.
"Starsk-- read the label" He threw a parcel on to Starsky’s lap.
Starsky read it and there it was – in big letters "Wrinkle free- No Iron". Starsky stared at two shirts and noticed that one was orange, the other was green, and the one Hutch was wearing that day was sky blue.
Starsky felt like his own face turning blue. "You drive yourself tomorrow morning. I'm not picking you up," he said, stood up, and walked out of Hutch’s apartment leaving Hutch with his ‘No Iron’ shirts.
Next morning when Starsky arrived at the station Dobey announced that Hutch had just called in sick.
"What’s wrong with him?" asked Starsky. He knew what it was NOT!
"Diarrhea," Dobey said. "Imagine that! He said something about drinking too much of water and eating too many prunes and having some cheese soup. Poor Hutch!"
Starsky knew he had to make a trip to the pharmacy- again!
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Starsky took two steps at a time climbing towards Hutch’s apartment on a Monday morning only to find Hutch in a very bad mood. He looked at his watch, and to his relief found that he was NOT late like he usually was on most of the days. He held the door and Hutch walked out like a storm.
"Good morning to you too, partner," said Starsky, but heard nothing back.
"What’s bugging you?" Starsky asked after a five minute long silence during their drive to work.
"I'm fine," came the short reply from a grouchy man.
"Doesn’t sound like ‘fine’ to me" Starsky said softly, tilting his head to a side.
"The damn thing said, no iron. NO IRON! And that is exactly why I bought them, and then I had to spend the whole morning-" Hutch stopped, shaking his head. "I don’t want to talk about it."
Starsky knew he was not going to get anything else out of Hutch. So he had to figure out what this was all about.
‘No iron’ – ‘iron’- Did he mean iron like in ‘you have to eat your spinach to get your iron’kind of iron? Of course! Hutch was all about eating healthy and trying those nutrient powders and stuff. He must have got some of his vitamin and mineral pills, and
he must have looked and bought something without iron -- but why? Well... Hutch is weird when it comes to what he puts in his body (sigh!)
So… anyway… Hutch must've bought the stuff thinking that there is no iron in it, but later found out that it had iron.
How did he find that, and most importantly, why does it matter?
"Why did you look for this stuff with no iron?" asked Starsky.
"Because it makes life a little bit easier in the morning. Now, is that too much to ask?" snapped Hutch.
"No. Of course not," Starsky said hurriedly, not wanting to make Hutch angrier.
How did something that had ‘no iron’ made life ‘easier' in the morning? What was the problem with iron?
Iron supplements cause constipation. That was it! YES! That’s what Hutch wanted to say, but didn’t quite get to it.
Ahh… Poor Hutch. He must have had a very hard time in the bathroom. Literally, a hard time, and that explains why he didn’t want to talk about it. Who would want to?
Starsky made up his mind to be the dutiful partner to rescue Hutch from his misery. He vowed he would do whatever it takes without letting Hutch know that Starsky knows what Hutch was going through.
"Did you have breakfast?"
"I didn’t have time," Hutch answered.
Starsky winced.
Ahhh Hutch- having iron but not having breakfast will only add to the pain, but of course you didn’t know it had iron.
(sigh!)
"I will get something for ya," Starsky said, stopping at ‘Uncle Dan’s Bakery,’ which was on their way to work.
He went in and browsed all the goodies, and very carefully chose ‘high in fiber’ muffins and ‘whole wheat’ bagels. He was going to be a sport and eat just the stuff Hutch will be eating.
He stopped himself before ordering coffee.
I'm sure I had heard somewhere that coffee is bad for constipation because it dehydrates you.
So instead of coffee, Starsky bought two bottles of vanilla flavored milk.
Hutch was pleasantly surprised to see what Starsky had bought and his moodiness start to disappear in no time.
"Whhellhh…, Starsk, where are those huge blueberry muffins you used to eat?" Hutch took a look in the bag and asked. He was all smiles. Starsky was finally making an effort to eat right, and then Hutch saw the milk. This was too good to be true! Starsky always got his coffee, with lots of cream and sugar.
"No Coffee? Why this change of heart suddenly?" Hutch asked, opening a bottle of vanilla milk.
"Got the good stuff. Only the good stuff for my partner."
"Looks like you are having the same."
"I'm going to have what ever you are going to have. That's what partner's are for!" said Starsky, parking the Tornio in front of the
Metro.
Hutch couldn’t understand what had come over his partner suddenly, but he wasn't going to complain.
They entered the squad room, and Starsky disappeared into Captain Dobey’s office. He quickly explained to captain Dobey about Hutch’s condition and asked him to keep it quiet.
Hutch was gulping the rest of the milk when Starsky came back.
"Hey, Hutch. I need to go out for minute. Will be back soon, okay?" Starsky ruffled Hutch’s hair, and was out of the squad room in no time.
What the hell was Starsky up to? Hutch was trying to figure out when Captain Dobey made an appearance.
"Good morning, Hutchinson. How was your weekend?" he asked.
Hutch wondered why Dobey was interested in his weekend when he never really paid attention to what they did during their spare
time.
"Morning, captain," Hutch answered. "Well, errrr... nothing much. Really... just a plain weekend," he smiled awkwardly.
"Humppf," Dobey grunted his usual. "You should take better care of yourself and pay attention to what you buy. These
stores sell all sorts of stuff with wrong label all the time. Shouldn't buy anything if it is not a reputed brand," he said and disappeared back to his office, stifling his smile.
Hutch stared at the closing door not knowing what made Dobey say what he said just now.
Hutch was in deep thought when he Starsky hopped back to the squad room with a brown bag.
"Did you go and buy more stuff for breakfast?" Hutch asked.
"This?" Starsky raised the brown bag he had in his hand. "Ahh, no, this is something else. Nothin’ for you to worry about."
"Worry about? Why should I worry about what you bought, unless like Dobey just said, you bought something that you were not supposed to buy just because it had the wrong label."
Starsky's mouth fell open. "Dobey said that? Damn it. I told him to keep his mouth shut." Starsky cursed under his breath and hurried back into Dobey’s office.
Hutch sighed. Both his partner and his boss were behaving very strangely this morning.
Starsky came back, caught the door with his foot and closed it with a bang ignoring Dobey’s warnings. "That should teach him to keep his mouth shut. You would think he would know by now when to say and when to not to say somethin’ when you are asked to not to say something,’" Starsky muttered.
Hutch decided what ever it was, he was better off not knowing what was going on.
Dobey appeared back in the squad room with two files.
"Hutchinson, you were supposed to finish these last week. Why are they still sitting on my desk?" He asked placing them on Hutch’s desk.
Starsky grabbed the files before even Hutch could reach them.
"I will take care of it," he snapped at his superior. Didn’t he know that stress would only add more to Hutch’s existing condition?
Dobey frowned and walked back to his office.
"Starsk? What’s going on buddy?"
"Hey, now don’t you worry about anything- Just relax. You shouldn’t get stressed out. Why don’t you finish that song you were trying to get done?"
"Starsk- we are at work! I can’t work on my song when I'm at WORK."
"Okay, then just relax. Think happy thoughts. I will get these reports done. I promise! No mistakes."
Something was not right, but Hutch had no clue what it was.
"Hey, Hutch- Would you like some prunes?" Starsky asked, trying to retrieve something from the brown bag he brought in earlier that morning.
Starsky had been to the pharmacy to get all information he needed to ‘treat’ Hutch. He was told that dried prunes were one of the best foods for Hutch's problem. "Sure," Hutch said, extending his hand.
Starsky placed the whole bag of prunes with Hutch.
Hutch nibbled at one fruit absent mindedly while adding up last month’s expenses for the expense report. By the time he was done with the report he had finished half of the prunes, to Starsky’s delight.
Starsky's plan was working perfectly.
"How are you feeling now?" Starsky asked, driving home after work that day.
Hutch was dead sure Starsky had raised that question for more than twenty times during the day.
"I'm fine, Starsk, but… are you ok?"
"Me? Of course! Why?" Starsky asked, frowning.
"Well, you have been acting very funny all day," Hutch said, remembering how he had found cups of water at his desk as soon as he emptied one. He had seen Starsky filling them up.
Starsky wondered for a minute whether he had over done it. "Have I?"
"Uhh huh."
"I... err... no... There's nothing wrong with me."
"You sure do sound funny for a guy that is feeling okay," Hutch said. Starsky's behavior was anything but normal that day. "Anyway, what are we going to have for supper?"
"We’ll eat something at Huggy’s. My treat," Starsky replied.
"What are you planning to order?"
"How about soup and salad?"
Hutch raised his eye brows. Soup and salad? Starsky wants soup and salad? Something was definitely not right with Starsky.
Once they were at The Pits Hutch ordered two beers, but Starsky stopped that, too.
"No alcohol today," he said. Alcohol leads to dehydration and dehydration will only add more minutes to Hutch’s morning routine.
"Why not?" Hutch asked bewildered.
"Because… Because we are having soup. Beer and soup do not go together," Starsky said impatiently.
"Where is my partner and what have you done with him?" Hutch wasn’t sure anymore whether he liked the ‘new’ Starsky who had made all the right choices when it came to food that day.
Starsky a garden salad and a broccoli and cheese soup that came with garlic bread.
On their way back home Starsky was unusually quiet. He was wondering whether Hutch was going to keep on taking the iron containing ‘no iron’ stuff now that he knows the truth about them. He stopped the Torino at Hutch’s apartment.
"Coming up for a beer? Come on, Starsk, what is this with this ‘thing’ with you today? I'm going to have a beer even if you
won’t."
Starsky decided to go up to Hutch's apartment. Beer or not, he had to talk to Hutch.
"You feel better now?" He couldn’t help but ask, once in Hutch’s apartment.
"I swear I'm going to strangle you if you ask that question again. What’s the matter with you?" Hutch asked
impatiently.
"You’ve got to return that stuff Hutch." Starsky got to the point right away.
"What stuff?"
"The no iron stuff."
"Come again?"
"In the morning, you told me that you bought--"
"Ohh... Ohhhhhh, that. Ahhh, don’t worry about it, Starsk. It is nothing." Hutch said smiling.
"How can you say that? It is NOT a NOTHING, Hutch."
"Come on, Starsk. I can wake up a couple of minutes early in the morning to get it done."
"Hutch-" Starsky was shocked. "You know that it is NOT just getting up early. I mean... you were all red in face in the morning today- I don’t want to see you like that."
"A little break out of a sweat might do me good, Starsk."
"It is not the ‘breaking’ of ‘sweat’ I'm worried about it- It is the breaking of--" Starsky stopped without continuing. He sighed. "Come on, Hutch. You’ve got to return the stuff. This is not healthy. I don’t have to explain it to you."
"I don’t know why you are worried about this so much. Really, I know I kind of over reacted in the morning. Won’t happen again,
promise!"
"Hutch- please, this is not the kind of thing that should be ‘tolerated.’ They have to go."
"Listen... I'm not going to return them. I bought three of them because I had never seen such colors before, Starsk. They were just perfect. The light orange is my favorite, and the others were sky blue and light green."
"Man, Hutch. You are losing it- What the hell does the color matter? I mean it could be red, blue, green, pink … or striped or plain or
whatever-- The color does not matter."
"Choosing the right color makes all the difference, Starsk, I think you are the one who is losing it. Just tell me- would you ever wear a pink shirt with a red tie and blue pants together with green shoes?"
"That’s different. Though I really don’t see why one can’t wear blue pants and green shoes, but still that is different. That is what you put ON your body- but This stuff you are taking is what you put IN your body, Hutch. It is not the color that matters- It is what's IN
IT that matters."
Hutch studied Starsky’s body language to see whether he was just playing the fool, but decided against it when he saw the distressed look in his eyes. Something was not right- Something told him that they were NOT talking
about the same thing.
"Starsk, what are we talking about here?"
"What do you think we are talking about, here?"
"Why don’t you tell me."
"Your ‘no iron’ stuff… what else?"
"So... what do you think this ‘no iron’ stuff is?"
"Another something you put in your morning shakes with all that other weird stuff you have in there already."
Hutch groaned and sat on the couch with his head between his palms.
That got Starsky really worried. "Buddy, you ok?"
Hutch raised his head to warn his partner about that particular question, but seeing the concerned face he warmed up. He stood up and walked into his bedroom and came back with two shirts.
"Starsk-- read the label" He threw a parcel on to Starsky’s lap.
Starsky read it and there it was – in big letters "Wrinkle free- No Iron". Starsky stared at two shirts and noticed that one was orange, the other was green, and the one Hutch was wearing that day was sky blue.
Starsky felt like his own face turning blue. "You drive yourself tomorrow morning. I'm not picking you up," he said, stood up, and walked out of Hutch’s apartment leaving Hutch with his ‘No Iron’ shirts.
Next morning when Starsky arrived at the station Dobey announced that Hutch had just called in sick.
"What’s wrong with him?" asked Starsky. He knew what it was NOT!
"Diarrhea," Dobey said. "Imagine that! He said something about drinking too much of water and eating too many prunes and having some cheese soup. Poor Hutch!"
Starsky knew he had to make a trip to the pharmacy- again!
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