Straight Talk by Sam KW.
This story is dedicated to my partner and buddy, DG!
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Let me get this straight," said Hutch, sitting up on the bed and pulling the covers over his exposed groin.
Starsky grinned. "Feeling a bit self-conscious. Aren't we?" he said leaning on the pillows he had propped up against the
headboard.
"Focus, will you?" Hutch snapped.
"Sure," said Starsky, not wavering away from his grin despite Hutch's seriousness.
"You - you don't want me touch you when we are outside our apartments?"
Starsky's grin disappeared. "Is that even a real question, huh? Do you really want to do this when we are surrounded by people?" he asked, his eye brows raised in surprise.
"We touch each other all the time. So why not, anymore?"
Starsky groaned. "I didn't mean touching like that, Hutch. That's different. That's like… like you know - a straight man touching another straight man."
"What?" Hutch asked bewilderedly. "Like a-?" he shook his head and got up. He tucked the blanket around him tightly, walking away from the bed. "We aren't straight, Starsky!"
"We were - you know! At the beginning of our academy days."
"We didn't touch each other then. You didn't even want to sit next to me," Hutch said glumly.
"Ah - that was because you acted like a stuck-up snob."
"Did not!" Hutch said gloomily. Thanks to Starsky, his foul mood would make him a stuck-up snob the whole day now.
"Oh, yes, you did, Blondie!" Starsky stood up and walked over to Hutch who was standing at the door. "Cheer up, will ya?" he said, brushing his knuckles against Hutch's cheeks, gently. "I'm not asking you to stand ten feet away from me."
Hutch sighed. No. You are asking for something worse than that. You are asking me to stand right next to you and do nothing! "So - aren't we going to come out of this closet, ever?"
This wasn't the first time Hutch had brought up this question.
"Are we really going to have this discussion, again?" Starsky sighed impatiently. He wasn't pleased. "What's going on, Hutch?"
"Is it so wrong to tell the world that you love a man, instead of a woman? If our friends can't understand that, then those people are no friends, anyway," Hutch fired away.
"You know that we would lose everything, including our jobs," Starsky said.
Hutch turned away from Starsky and walked over to the kitchen. "I don't like to hide this, like - like we are doing something dirty." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.
Starsky stood at the bedroom door. "What's important is how we feel about it," he said, worriedly. "Aren't you happy with the way we are, Hutch?"
Hutch shrugged his shoulders. He measured two scoops of Maxwell House coffee into the coffee pot and filled it with cold water. He placed the pot on the stove and switched it on. He never used freshly ground coffee beans like Starsky did. Coffee is just coffee, after all. "We are getting late for work. I'm going to get ready." Hutch left the kitchen and went to the bathroom
to wash up. "Like you said, we can't afford to lose our jobs," he said cuttingly, avoiding his partner's eyes.
****
Hutch was in a bad mood the whole day. He blamed Starsky wholeheartedly for spoiling his mood. On the other hand, it took less than an hour for Starsky to get back to his normal cheery mode. He wasn't the type that moped and sulked all day long.
"What's up with you?" asked Starsky, pulling up the Torino at the Metro after their ten-hour cruise on the streets. "You're acting as if you have some ginger up your ass."
"Looks like you've had the experience," Hutch said mockingly.
Starsky chuckled. "I only have to look at you to know how it feels."
Hutch grit his teeth and curled his fingers into a big fist. He wished he could slam it against something really hard. The Torino's dashboard was very inviting.
"Come on," said Starsky slapping Hutch on his knee. "We'll get the reports over with. I hate doing the damn stuff." He opened the door and swung his legs out.
Hutch got out and closed the Torino door with a bang and looked at Starsky challenging him to dare to say anything against him.
Starsky shook his head and walked into the police department.
Hutch followed him silently, doing his best to avert his eyes away from the firm round ass crammed in the tight denim jeans. He was sure Starsky gave them an extra wiggle just to torture him.
After entering the squad room Starsky headed directly to the coffee cart and poured a cup for himself.
Hutch stood by the door staring at steaming cup of coffee that had zero limits in accessing Starsky's lips.
"You sure you want to do that?" Hutch asked.
"Do what?"
"You aren't going to sleep a wink with all that caffeine," Hutch scolded.
Starsky's face broke into a mischievous smile. "I thought that's what you wanted, Blondie," he said, wriggling his eye brows suggestively. "Isn't that how you want me, all night long?"
Hutch's jaw dropped in disbelief.
The entire squad room broke out in laughter.
What the hell was wrong with Starsky? How dare he say things like that in front of everyone? Didn't he himself say that morning to not to even touch him affectionately in front of others?
Hutch quickly walked to his desk.
Starsky swayed away from the coffee cart grinning like a mad man. He picked up a newspaper lying on one of the officer's desk and slapped Hutch on his butt. "Get to work, Hutchinson. Sooner you finish, more time you'd have with
me tonight," he said, and winked at the others while making his way to his chair.
The squad room, again, erupted in laughter.
***
Hutch wasn't going to talk to him, touch him or look at him, again. His typewriter absorbed all the anger and frustration that had built up in him throughout the day.
While working on his reports, Starsky was joking about something with other fellow officers. Chuckles emerged from all corners of the squad room, and Hutch chose not to listen. How the man multitasked like that, Hutch never understood. He was determined to finish the report before Starsky did and get the hell out of there. Hutch groaned inwardly when he recalled that they had taken Starsky's car to work that day. Damn it!
Pushing the chair back, Starsky stood up and rubbed his palms. "Okay, I'm done. Going to the john." He left whistling a somewhat familiar tune, but Hutch couldn’t recall the song. Damn him! How the hell did Starsky get the writing done so
quickly?
Two of their fellow detectives, James and Mike, joined Hutch at his desk. "Hey Hutch," James called out. "Just so that you know, that's a typical Starsky behavior."
"What?" Hutch asked, confused.
"Of course he has a thing for long-legged blondes, but not your type," James chuckled.
"Come again?" Hutch was even more confused.
"You don't have to worry about Starsky coming on to you," Mike explained. "Because there's no one as straight as he is."
"Huh?" How the hell did they come to that conclusion?
"He's very popular among the ladies, you know. Don't think he has ever spend a night without a lady-friend. So if
there's one thing you don’t have to worry about, that's Starsky's preferences. He's not into men," Mike confirmed.
Hutch swallowed hard. "Really?" he asked, clearing his throat. He had me fooled, too, for a while.
"Yeah. He is a teaser, you know- And seeing you rattled up like that, he will go on doing it. That's our Starsky. So, you better get your act together, and either act up yourself, or try to ignore his advances," James advised.
"So is he like this with everyone? I mean, does he fool around you guys, too?" Hutch asked.
"No, well… I don't think he has," James said, quickly, exchanging a brief glance with Mike. "But, you know, you're the newbie here, consider this as your break-in period, Hutch."
Obviously James and Michael didn't know that Starsky and Hutch had known each other even before they were fully-fledged cops. But what was with that look they gave each other?
Hutch had started working with Starsky at the Metro a week ago after making partners. He was with the ninth precinct before that. He had known Starsky for almost three years now. They'd met at the police academy and become best friends within a short period, and then lovers, just before they started work as police officers. They met with each other after work, and had spent almost every night together. The nights they weren't, as far as Hutch could remember, had nothing to do with women; those were the days when one of them were working on a case overtime or were on a stakeout at night.
Both he and Starsky had dated women to keep up the pretenses, but they had never taken it beyond having drinks together; or at least that's what Hutch believed. So what have these men heard from Starsky's lady-friends? Why did they say that he's popular among women? Why are they so sure and convinced of Starsky's preferences? What did they know about Starsky that Hutch didn’t?
Hutch trusted Starsky, didn't he?
***
Hutch pondered about the advice he had received from James. Act up or ignore. What were the consequences? If Hutch responded positively towards Starsky's 'acting' would he really drop it, or would he even go beyond what he was doing now? On the other hand, if he ignored Starsky, would he get bored and cut the act or do more to get his attention. Not that it would bother him, of course, but Hutch never knew where he stood when Starsky was like this. He had to talk to Starsky
tonight; clear this up, and come to an understanding about why Starsky behaved like this in front of his friends. He couldn't spend time anticipating and worrying about Starsky's next move. What the hell was he supposed to do in times like this? Act up or ignore?
Starsky having fun with women still bothered him. Did Starsky spend nights with them as well? No. He didn't, he wouldn't! This is his Starsky! They were together during the past year. Except that week… two months ago, when Hutch visited his parents in Duluth. But Hutch had talked to Starsky every night over the phone for hours. Almost every night! There was that one night that he couldn't talk to Starsky because Starsky was invited to a Birthday party at Mike's house. It dawned on him that it could've been the day that something may have happened. Maybe Starsky hooked up with someone at the party, and maybe that's how Mike and all got to know about Starsky's 'talents' - But would Starsky do that to him? Hutch's mouth went dry and muscles around his throat constricted. Oh, God, No! It can't be. No! Starsky would never cheat on him.
But… there can't be smoke without a fire. So who lit the fire?
Starsky entered the room, still whistling. "You done, Hutch?" he asked, picking up his jacket from the chair.
"Just a minute," Hutch said clipping the report pages together. His hands trembled a little, probably because of the adrenalin rush that came with the newly acquired knowledge about Starsky.
"Do you wanna grab something to eat at The Pits?" Starsky asked.
Hutch looked up. Payback time! "Of course!" He said, grinning enthusiastically. "I would need my energy tonight, after all."
Starsky was taken aback for a second; just for a second.
Hutch's heart sank watching Starsky walking towards him with a devilishly handsome grin. Oh, no! I should've ignored. Too late for that, Hutchinson!
Starsky approached him, throwing the jacket on to a desk nearby.
"Oh, dhaaaarling, I was hoping you'd say that," said Starsky, grabbing Hutch's face with both palms giving him a loud smack kiss on his lips. "All right," he said, turning around instantly. "Let us get outta here." He picked up the jacket and walked out of the squad room, whistling again and saluting the others in the room. "It's gonna be a long loooong night."
Hutch stood frozen; shocked, and blushing to his roots. Damn Starsky!
Everyone else was laughing. "He's getting worse, that Starsky," said Mike with a glint in his eyes.
"Come on, Hutch. Get over it. You'll get used to him with time," James said kindly.
Hutch inhaled and exhaled, deeply and looked around. "So… you're sure he's straight, huh?" he asked.
"Absolutely, positively sure!"
"But he kissed me!" Hutch exclaimed. "Who would do that?" A man who is straight as a roundabout.
James chuckled. "He'll do more if you provoke him. Do you think he'd really kiss you in front of us if he was really into you?" he asked. "Come on. This is Starsky we're taking about."
Why the hell did James and Mike insisted on Starsky's heterosexuality. It was a good thing, wasn't it? It meant that no one would suspect whom Starsky shared his bed every night.
But then why did Hutch feel this slight pang of disappointment?
***
Starsky was still whistling that damn tune when Hutch got into the Torino beside him.
"What was all that about, huh? What the hell were you thinking?" Hutch asked angrily.
"Same as what you were thinking, apparently," Starsky chuckled. He started the engine and pulled away from the parking
lot.
"I had no choice. I had to react in some way," Hutch said sharply.
"You did good. The guys fell for it."
"You think so?" Hutch asked. "I kind of felt that Mike and James know something- about us, because after that stunt you pulled, I asked them whether you had ever behaved like that with them-"
"You didn't!" Starsky chortled.
"Why shouldn’t I? That's a very legitimate question of a straight guy, when he's attacked by some maniac-"
"So what did they say?" Starsky asked.
"It's not what they said; it's how they looked at each other as if to say that you'd never do anything like that to them. And I thought that it was kind of weird."
"Of course I wouldn't do that to them," Starsky said.
"Why not?" Hutch demanded.
"Because…" Starsky started and paused for a while before continuing. "Because they are a couple," he said slowly.
"What?" Hutch asked in disbelief. "No way!"
"No one knows. James was in an accident about a year ago, and he nearly died. I was with Mike at the hospital while James was in the OR, and Mike told me then. I had kind of suspected it for some time- from the way they looked at each other and so."
"They are a couple," said Hutch wistfully. And even they believed that Starsky wasn't gay. Why? Because they had heard
something from some woman. Hutch was back to square one. He couldn’t get rid of the wariness and the troubling suspicions clouding his mind.
"I'm not hungry," said Hutch when Starsky took a right turn, obviously planning to eat at The Pits as he had suggested in the squad room.
"Well… I am!" exclaimed Starsky. "If you aren't hungry now, we can get something to go."
"I don't need anything to go. Just drop me at my apartment. Okay?" Hutch wasn't sure whether he was angry, disappointed or frustrated. Angry of Starsky's stunts. Disappointed to hear about Starsky and women, though this was not a secret between them, but still… He was also frustrated because he hadn't even given Starsky a friendly peck the whole day; and whose fault was that? He thought grudgingly. Hutch had kept his hands to himself.
Instead of going to The Pits Starsky made a U turn at the next traffic lights and headed back towards their apartments. He remained silent throughout the rest of the ride until he stopped at Hutch's apartment at the canal. "What's wrong, Hutch? You aren't angry about what happened back there, are you?"
"I'm just tired," Hutch lied. "I just need to get some decent sleep. That's all."
"I see."
"Besides, I'm sure you have some lady-friends you have to entertain, time-to-time," Hutch said bitterly.
"What's that supposed to mean? What lady-friends?"
"Looks like everyone else knows about them." Hutch opened the Torino door to get out, but Starsky grabbed him by his collar.
"What the hell?" Starsky's eyes flashed dangerously. "What ladies? Who knows about whom?" pulling Hutch towards him, Starsky asked angrily.
"Let go of me, Starsky." Hutch pulled away, trying to get some space between him and Starsky. There was only an inch or two separating them.
"I will - if you tell me what this madness is all about," Starsky snarled.
"You know what I mean," Hutch continued, angrily. "Your popularity among ladies; I'm sure that wasn't a product of just flashing a smile around." He pushed Starsky's hand away from him. The physical closeness was too much for him to handle for the moment. A mix of emotions churned his gut leaving him tied in knots. Without saying another word Hutch got off the Torino. He walked up to his apartment door, unlocked it and stepped inside without so much of a glance at Starsky. He didn't want to witness the hurt his words caused.
What the hell happened? Was this our first real fight? Hutch wished he could go back and undone everything he did that day. He had acted like a spoiled child.
Starsky had not done anything wrong.
And now Hutch had destroyed the one and only thing that mattered to him in his life. He had hurt Starsky for nothing!
***
Hutch took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and the dark blue t-shirt Starsky had bought him last year. Starsky couldn't keep his hands off him when he wore it, and he was counting on that tonight. He was going over to Starsky's and apologize for being such a jerk.
Just as he was picking up the car keys from the dining table there was a knock at the door. Two seconds later the door opened, and in came Starsky with a pizza and a case of beer. He was still wearing the clothes he wore to work. "Going somewhere?" he asked, standing at the door.
"Not anymore," replied Hutch. He put the keys back on the dining table.
"Don't let me keep you waiting." Starsky moved away from the door.
"I… I was planning to go over to your place."
Starsky watched Hutch intently, with no change of his expression. "You still want to go to my place?"
Hutch shook his head, feeing foolish and stupid. He brought this on himself.
"You wanna tell me what all that was about?" Starsky asked. "I don't want to go bed, with or without you, when something's hanging over my head like this."
"Me neither," said Hutch truthfully.
"I need to take a shower, first. Throw this in the oven for a bit - will ya? It's already cold." Starsky slid the pizza along the table towards Hutch and walked into the bedroom.
"Since when did you stop eating cold pizza?" Hutch asked, taking out the pizza and placing it on the oven rack. He set the oven to warm.
Starsky walked into the bathroom with a bundle clothes in his arms. "Cold pizza is what sits in the fridge overnight - That's what you should eat in the morning, not now."
Hutch paced up and down between the kitchen and living room while Starsky was in the bathroom. Dry humor- that's all what it was. Starsky wasn't smiling through any of it. He wasn't going to cut him any slack anymore. Hutch had to be careful choosing his next words, and truthful of everything, but he himself wasn't sure what the truth was. He could be honest about his feelings. What he wanted and what he thought of everything; honesty was the key. Hutch sighed.
***
Starsky sat at the dining table, with a pizza slice on his plate and a beer next to him. "I'm hungry, I need to eat. I can't think on an empty stomach."
Starsky had chosen a chair at the dinner table. He hadn't moved to the couch, or a comfy chair. This meant stay away from me until I'm done with my dinner. Moreover, this meant, stay away from me until I'm done with you.
Hutch nodded, picking at his pizza slice. He couldn't complain about dinner as half of the pizza was loaded with veggies.
Starsky pushed his plate away after two pieces of pizza. Way below his normal dinner. He gulped his beer down and reached for another.
Hutch had eaten a slice with much difficulty. He wasn't hungry for food. He was hungry for Starsky. Jeez, he closed his eyes and sighed.
"So… what made you blow up like that?" Starsky asked, leaning against the wooden chair.
"I reacted unnecessarily," Hutch answered.
"Okay- got that. So what made you to react unnecessarily?"
Hutch sighed deeply. Damage control! "Starsk- I'm sorry. I was an ass."
"Got that too. So tell me what happened."
Starsky was too calm. This wasn't a good sign.
The truth! Nothing but the truth! "When you went to take a leak, the guys - they- they thought that I was upset about what you did. I don't think they even know that we've known each other for some time."
"No - I guess they don't. I haven't mentioned anything - I mean, never had to."
"Yeah- that's what I thought, too. Anyway- Mike and James came over and tried to console me. They thought I was upset and wondering whether you were… errr... gay or so. They told me that I don’t have to worry about you; that you are straight as an arrow, and that- that you are very popular among ladies."
"So?"
"So - that's it."
"That's it?" Starsky asked annoyingly. "That’s it? And you - you - this whole fiasco was because they said that I am popular among ladies?"
Hutch nodded, feeling like a dumb ass.
Starsky pushed his chair backwards and got up. "You thought I've cheated on you?" he asked with a hint of annoyance.
"No. no, Starsk, I- I-"
Starsky raised his arm and signaled Hutch to stop. "When the hell did I even had time to-" Starsky paused, his dark blue eyes blazing with anger. "Let me think for a while," he said.
And that meant, I'm going to think like you do. Starsky's wheels were in motion, and he would travel the exact path Hutch had taken. Starsky would soon find out everything that went on Hutch's mind.
"Ah-" Starsky nodded, as if he understood everything. "Of course," he continued. "There was that one time when you were visiting your parents- wouldn't it? Mike's party. You thought I cheated on you with some bimbo I met at his birthday party. Didn't you?"
"I don't know what I thought, okay?" Hutch ran his fingers through his hair impatiently. "I - we had never discussed the specifics when it came to dating women-"
"Never talked about specifics?" Starsky fumed. "Specifics? – Like whether I should kiss my date on her mouth or on her cheek, and if I kiss her on the mouth should I stop at her lips or whether I should stick my tongue down her throat and if I –"
"Stop- Stop it. That's- that's not what I meant."
"Then what exactly did you mean, partner, because I have no clue."
"God, Starsky, I don’t know! I was jealous, okay," Hutch stated the truth. That was all and everything when it came down what he really felt. "I was jealous."
Starsky seemed to calm down a bit, but he looked even more confused. "Of whom?" he asked.
"Of everyone else who took my place, time to time."
Starsky closed his eyes for a moment as if to get this thoughts together. He rubbed his nose and sat back in the chair.
"No one took your place. There's no one on this earth that can take your place. Not now. Not ever."
***
Hutch glanced at his partner sitting on the couch, sipping his beer. He had been silent for quite a bit of time now.
Hutch's frustration and everything else that had rooted from the jealousy he had nursed within him had vanished into thin air upon hearing Starsky's words.
Finally Starsky looked up. "I was thinking of the women I had gone out with-"
"Starsky, don't!" Hutch interrupted. "I don't have to know any of it."
"No- No, you have to. We have to get this over with."
Starsky's words knocked against Hutch's chest like an angry fist. Get over with what? Get over with me, all together? Hutch hoped Starsky referred just to the arisen current situation.
"I was thinking what made the guys say what they said- I mean- there should be a reason, and I think I know why. Do you remember Lisa?"
"Lisa?" Hutch thought for a while- The name did ring a bell. Was she the girl they'd met at The Pits a couple of months back. She was with a group of people who had come to Bay City to watch a baseball game. Hutch had met with Starsky after work as usual to have dinner. This was before they became partners.
"The baseball girl?"
"Yeah- That one."
It was the State Championship between BC and Daly City. Most of the people who had come to town for the game were at The Pits that night. Lisa, a tall blonde, was among the crowd. She had dragged Starsky for a dance and had not let go of him all night. Who could resist Starsky's charms and dancing, anyway? She had a little too much to drink that day, celebrating Daly City's victory. At the end of the day, Lisa couldn't even tell them where she stayed that night. Not knowing what to do, they had brought Lisa to Starsky's apartment, partly afraid that she'd fall into the arms of a wrong doer. Starsky had laid her in his bed, and Hutch had gone back to his apartment.
"I know you didn't sleep with her," said Hutch.
"No, I didn't. The next day morning I dropped her at her hotel before coming to work. She thanked us for everything, for not taking advantage of her, and for keeping her safe that night. She remembered that we were detectives. I think… I think she kind of suspected that you and I were involved."
"Did you say anything?"
"No. But she may have guessed- Women's intuition! I didn't think of it that much at the time but she said that true love was hard to come by and that she was happy for me." Starsky paused for a while.
"She came to see me that evening before she left to Daly. I was in Dobey's office briefing him on a case that I was working on, and when I stepped out, there she was - chatting with Mike and the others – I think- I think she said something to them."
"About us?"
"No. She told them that she had spent the night with me. And I believe she gave them some very colorful details of the night."
"She lied?"
"She's a smart girl, Hutch. She wanted to do something for us, and she did the best she could. When I walked her back to the car she told me that I shouldn't worry about anything. She said, after all Dave, you were recommended to me by a friend of mine, who had got the recommendation from another. And I told the guys that it was the best night of my life."
She may have been very convincing with her story. Convincing enough to even to fool Hutch, indirectly. "I should've known." Hutch said apologetically.
"Stories like that are what keeps us safe, Hutch. Allowing the people around us to believe what they want to believe, to make them not see the inevitable, to make them blind to what's going on right under their noses is what allows me to hold you in my arms every night." Starsky wasn't angry anymore, but his voice was full of pain. "Did you honestly believe that I would make love to someone else in our bed, Hutch?"
"God, Starsk." Hutch smothered the panicky surge in his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it through like that."
"No. I guess not," Starsky said and stood up. "James and Mike had invited only a handful of people for their party. All of them knew about their relationship, and none of them were women." He left the beer bottle on the coffee table, fidgeting with it. "How could you, Hutch?" he asked looking up, sadness flooding his eyes. "How could you even think for a moment that I would have room for someone else in my life?"
Hutch had caused so much of heartache and pain with his actions. The healing should begin. He had to wipe out the grief that clouded those dark blue eyes, allowing them to sparkle and dance with joy. "Starsk… I'm sorry," He began.
"I know." Starsky nodded. He turned away from Hutch towards the door. "Its' getting late- and I think I should get going," he said.
"Go? Go where?" Hutch stepped in front of Starsky in a flash. Wasn't Starsky planning to spend the night with him, like they always do? "You don't want to stay?" Was he going to end everything and walk out of Hutch's life?
Starsky lowered his head, not meeting Hutch's eyes. "I was planning to, but… I don' think I should. Not tonight."
Not tonight. Hutch had said that he wanted some decent sleep. "Is it because of what I said earlier?" Hutch rested his hands on Starsky's shoulders.
"What did you say earlier?" Starsky asked slowly, and looked up from beneath his droopy eyelids.
"That- that I needed some decent sleep."
"You said that?" Starsky asked, his brows knitted together in confusion. He shook his head. "I don't remember."
Hutch sighed. So it wasn't that. Of course! Starsky wasn't the kind of person who'd hold a grudge or ponder upon petty things like that. "Then why aren't you staying?"
"I think it would be good- for both of us- to take some time off to think of-"
"No-" Hutch sad fiercely, tightening his hold on Starsky. "No. I don't need any time off, Starsk. I can't have any time off without you."
"Hutch-" Starsky protested.
"No," Hutch cut him off effectively. "You are not going anywhere, tonight. Remember? You said I can have you all night long." Hutch would have said and done everything to stop Starsky from reaching the door. He yanked Starsky closer. "A promise is a promise. The only place you are going to be is in my bed." Even as he spoke Hutch lowered his lips, not wanting to waste another moment without feeling and tasting his love. Hutch hoped what he saw in those deep blue eyes were a flicker of desire.
****
When Starsky parted his lips it was more of a demand than an invitation. Hutch desperately commanded his trembling fingers to get rid of Starsky's shirt by unbuttoning it without ripping it apart. He wasn't going anywhere with his clumsiness as Starsky pushed his hands away and took control of the deed. Hutch had no memory of walking to his bedroom from the living room. He had no memory of how his body was pressed against Starsky's with his system on the verge to shudder, tremble and quake.
Getting rid of his shirt with one swift move, Starsky then forced Hutch's t-shirt away from his body, above his head, and along his arms and threw it on the floor. He pulled Hutch close to him. "You drive me crazy as hell, you know that?" he said roughly, against Hutch's mouth, burying his fingers in Hutch's hair.
Knowing what exactly Starsky liked, Hutch nipped at Starsky's lower lip and allowed his tongue to playfully soothe the tiny bites, and then hurting and soothing again and again. His arms roamed over Starsky's taut arm muscles, his chest and back, squeezing, massaging, stroking; erasing the ugliness he had lathered on Starsky that day. "I never thought I could love you
more today than I did yesterday, Starsk," Hutch said between his kisses. "But you make me fall in love with you all over again, every day."
Starsky's throaty moan sent pleasure ripples rough Hutch's body. He was drowning with longing and desire. Hutch was thankful when Starsky took to the task of stripping away the remaining clothes on both of them, one by one. He pushed Hutch onto the bed, grinding his groin against Hutch and pressing his hardness against Hutch's thigh. His lips skimmed along Hutch's lips, throat and bare chest imprinting a fiery brand across Hutch's bare skin, driving him farther and farther away from sanity. Hutch's raw needs and desires exploded within him, and he no longer wanted to think. He only wanted to feel Starsky; on him, in him, around him. Nothing else.
They had been together as lovers for nearly three years, but tonight was different. Hutch felt that it was the first day of the rest of their life. It was as if he had waited for a life time for this day. "I want you," he murmured, entwining his limbs around Starsky.
"Soon," Starsky promised, dragging Hutch against him. He claimed Hutch's lips again, and again, devouring him, driving him insane with a scrape of teeth and tongue.
Hutch moved with Starsky together with unison and rhythm, turning Hutch's body into a furnace. The pressure built up with each move, each stroke, and every touch. He was spiraling down and soaring up.
"There's no one else in the world for me Hutch. You, and only you," Starsky whispered, as his fingers closed around Hutch, making his world go up in flames.
Hutch shuddered, gasping for air and reaching for Starsky, calling out his name over and over again.
Starsky's burning fingers dig into Hutch; his skin was damp with sweat, his eyes darkened with desire; he followed Hutch's path in a flash. Shuddering and trembling, Starsky collapsed onto Hutch.
Hutch had a million words racing in his mind, but couldn't manage to put together a few to come up with a meaningful sentence to describe what Starsky meant to him; what Starsky had done for him. Instead he pulled Starsky up and made him lie on a pillow, and threw the covers over their bodies. Starsky wrapped his arm around Hutch, holding him close to his heart.
Hutch pressed his lips against the hairy chest beneath him and closed his eyes, allowing the rhythm of Starsky's heartbeat to lull him to sleep.
***
Hutch woke up to Starsky's soft snores. Removing Starsky's arm gently away from its protective grip around his waist, Hutch moved away from Starsky. He propped on his elbow and rested his head on his palm. He watched Starsky breathe in and out, steadily. Having night lights in their bedrooms was the best idea Starsky had come up with, Hutch mused.
Hutch smiled when Starsky scrunched his nose. Must be an imaginary tickle, Hutch mused adoringly, made by an itsy bitsy spider. He could make it real, Hutch thought. He crouched closer and just as he raised his arm to stroke Starsky's cheek Starsky stopped snoring. Starsky wasn't awake yet, but his brows drew closer in a frown; he appeared to be restless. In his sleep he patted the bed close to him, as if for searching for something, or for someone. His movements stopped when his arm came to rest on Hutch's shoulder. Sighing deeply he tugged at Hutch's arm until Hutch snuggled into the nook of Starsky's neck and shoulder.
"'utch," Starsky mumbled in his sleep and pressed his lips to Hutch's head.
Hutch's heart skipped a beat; his throat constricted; tears stung his eyes. How could he ever doubt the love of this man? Even in sleep Starsky's body and mind yearned for Hutch. His heart wanted Hutch. The name that escaped from Starsky's lips weren't of any Jane, Anne, Sandy, Mary or Cathy. He said Hutch. Hutch!
Warmth surging through his chest, Hutch groaned and snaked his arm around Starsky's waist bringing him even closer.
Starsky tensed, momentarily. "Hutch?" Starsky asked, apparently fully awake and sensing Hutch's agitation. "What's wrong, Hutch?"
"Nothing," said Hutch, dragging his fingertips along Starsky's jaw and resting them at the back of his neck.
"You okay?"
"No," Hutch said hoarsely. "I won't be okay unless I make love to you all night long." He said, capturing Starsky's lips and sliding his tongue between Starsky's lips.
Starsky didn’t seem to need any coaxing, as he welcomed Hutch in his mouth, clasping and clutching.
Dazed and desperate, Hutch's arms roamed freely on Starsky's body, possessing and demanding, discovering and fueling his passion for the one man he loved more than life itself. Hutch wanted to drive Starsky wild that night, and many more to come; drive him wild with passion and love. Muffling Starsky's groans with his kisses, Hutch opened up a space where his love, fierce and hot as a fire, burnt and surrounded the one and only man he would love in this life. The world as he knew it had seized to exist. In this perfect moment, nothing else mattered.
Starsky's heavily lidded eyes got darker and darker with passion. "Hutch," his hot breath whispered into Hutch's mouth as their lips met, tasted, parted and teased.
The unspoken promise in a single word made Hutch tremble to his core. It was the only sound he wanted to hear, now and forever. His body fused and molded against Starsky perfectly, Hutch climbed and conquered heights only he could've reached together with Starsky. His limbs tangled with Starsky's as he rolled over the bed, demanding, taking, and giving. His desires merging with Starsky's needs, heightened and rose to the peak, until his body could withstand no more. Just as Hutch reached the moment where he couldn't last any longer, Starsky embraced him wildly, exploding into his own shuddering release.
Hutch didn't want the night to end. He was unable to understand or explain the emotions that swamped him so strongly that it hurt to breathe. He buried his face in Starsky's chest, his breath escaping in little gusts of air between his teeth.
Starsky gasped and held on to Hutch; his body sill trembling and shaking. His chest heaved as he ran his fingers along Hutch's spine.
"Starsk?" Hutch managed a whisper.
"Later," Starsky mumbled. "Senses overloaded."
Hutch's lips curved with a smile. "Okay," he chuckled, softly.
"Are you?" asked Starsky.
"Hmm?" Hutch asked.
"Are you, okay?"
"For now, yes." Hutch answered sleepily. He thought of Mike and James. Did they, too, spend their nights together? Did they share the same closeness he and Starsky shared? Hutch would see them in a new light now, and maybe, one day, he and Starsky could share their relationship with them as well.
"Hutch?"
"Hmm…"
"We could tell them, you know," Starsky said.
"Telling whom about what?" Hutch asked, sleepily. "You mean telling Mike and James about us?"
"Yes."
Starsky was obviously worried about Hutch's feelings, and he was willing to take the risk of sharing their secret with someone else. Starsky always made sure to make Hutch happy.
Hutch shifted his position so that he could look into Starsky's eyes. "No," he answered, definitively. He ran his fingers through Starsky's tangled curls, gently. "It's better this way. At least for now."
"You don't want anyone to know about us?" Starsky asked, confused.
"I wish we could, but you were right, Starsk." Hutch sighed deeply. "It's not a good idea. We could lose everything. We may even put them in danger."
"You sure?"
"Yes- we can always be this straight couple," Hutch said, smiling.
"Okay, then," Starsky agreed. "I think we should get some sleep now." He yawned. "What's the time?"
Hutch propped himself up and craned his neck towards the alarm clock on the night stand. "Two thirty," he said.
"We have a few hours left until morning." Starsky plumped up the pillows and fell onto them. "Now you should turn around," he said, coaxing Hutch to turn onto his side.
"Why?" asked Hutch frowning. He didn't want to lose body contact.
"Just do it," said Starsky, and cuddled up against Hutch's back allowing Hutch to rest his head on Starsky's biceps.
"Is this how you want me?" Hutch asked as Starsky wrapped himself around Hutch.
"No- Yes- No- I mean- this is how you want me," Starsky said. "This is how you sleep the best."
"I do?" Hutch asked welcoming the warmth and security promised by Starsky's arms around him.
"You sleep whole night, without waking up time to time, when I hold you like this," Starsky said softly, pressing his lips to the sensitive area at the back of Hutch's earlobe.
Hutch curled his toes as warm sensations travelled through his veins. "Keep doing that and you're not going to sleep tonight," Hutch warned him.
Starsky's mouth widened against Hutch's neck. "Wasn't that what you wanted?" he asked, hugging Hutch tightly.
Hutch wished he could see the emotions that rushed into Starsky's eyes. "Hmm… would be nice. Maybe we could call in sick tomorrow."
Dream on, hot shot."
Sighing deeply Hutch tightened his grip on Starsky's arm that was resting on his hips.
"Starsk?" Hutch called out.
"Hmm?"
"I don't think a woman would ever spend a night with you."
"Why not?"
"Because you keep on saying my name in your sleep."
"Do not!" Starsky disagreed sleepily.
"Did, too," said Hutch, drifting off and smiling faintly.
Starsky snuggled in closer. "You've brainwashed me," he said, relaxing against Hutch.
Hutch recalled, no matter how he had gone to sleep at nights, most of the time he would wake up in this position, where Starsky was spooning him head to toe. So was this his favorite sleeping position? Starsky, and only Starsky would figure out something like that. Only he would know what Hutch exactly needed.
And Starsky would need Hutch, and only Hutch. Hutch would make sure of that.
***The End***
Send your comments to Sammy
This story is dedicated to my partner and buddy, DG!
******************************************************************************************************
Let me get this straight," said Hutch, sitting up on the bed and pulling the covers over his exposed groin.
Starsky grinned. "Feeling a bit self-conscious. Aren't we?" he said leaning on the pillows he had propped up against the
headboard.
"Focus, will you?" Hutch snapped.
"Sure," said Starsky, not wavering away from his grin despite Hutch's seriousness.
"You - you don't want me touch you when we are outside our apartments?"
Starsky's grin disappeared. "Is that even a real question, huh? Do you really want to do this when we are surrounded by people?" he asked, his eye brows raised in surprise.
"We touch each other all the time. So why not, anymore?"
Starsky groaned. "I didn't mean touching like that, Hutch. That's different. That's like… like you know - a straight man touching another straight man."
"What?" Hutch asked bewilderedly. "Like a-?" he shook his head and got up. He tucked the blanket around him tightly, walking away from the bed. "We aren't straight, Starsky!"
"We were - you know! At the beginning of our academy days."
"We didn't touch each other then. You didn't even want to sit next to me," Hutch said glumly.
"Ah - that was because you acted like a stuck-up snob."
"Did not!" Hutch said gloomily. Thanks to Starsky, his foul mood would make him a stuck-up snob the whole day now.
"Oh, yes, you did, Blondie!" Starsky stood up and walked over to Hutch who was standing at the door. "Cheer up, will ya?" he said, brushing his knuckles against Hutch's cheeks, gently. "I'm not asking you to stand ten feet away from me."
Hutch sighed. No. You are asking for something worse than that. You are asking me to stand right next to you and do nothing! "So - aren't we going to come out of this closet, ever?"
This wasn't the first time Hutch had brought up this question.
"Are we really going to have this discussion, again?" Starsky sighed impatiently. He wasn't pleased. "What's going on, Hutch?"
"Is it so wrong to tell the world that you love a man, instead of a woman? If our friends can't understand that, then those people are no friends, anyway," Hutch fired away.
"You know that we would lose everything, including our jobs," Starsky said.
Hutch turned away from Starsky and walked over to the kitchen. "I don't like to hide this, like - like we are doing something dirty." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.
Starsky stood at the bedroom door. "What's important is how we feel about it," he said, worriedly. "Aren't you happy with the way we are, Hutch?"
Hutch shrugged his shoulders. He measured two scoops of Maxwell House coffee into the coffee pot and filled it with cold water. He placed the pot on the stove and switched it on. He never used freshly ground coffee beans like Starsky did. Coffee is just coffee, after all. "We are getting late for work. I'm going to get ready." Hutch left the kitchen and went to the bathroom
to wash up. "Like you said, we can't afford to lose our jobs," he said cuttingly, avoiding his partner's eyes.
****
Hutch was in a bad mood the whole day. He blamed Starsky wholeheartedly for spoiling his mood. On the other hand, it took less than an hour for Starsky to get back to his normal cheery mode. He wasn't the type that moped and sulked all day long.
"What's up with you?" asked Starsky, pulling up the Torino at the Metro after their ten-hour cruise on the streets. "You're acting as if you have some ginger up your ass."
"Looks like you've had the experience," Hutch said mockingly.
Starsky chuckled. "I only have to look at you to know how it feels."
Hutch grit his teeth and curled his fingers into a big fist. He wished he could slam it against something really hard. The Torino's dashboard was very inviting.
"Come on," said Starsky slapping Hutch on his knee. "We'll get the reports over with. I hate doing the damn stuff." He opened the door and swung his legs out.
Hutch got out and closed the Torino door with a bang and looked at Starsky challenging him to dare to say anything against him.
Starsky shook his head and walked into the police department.
Hutch followed him silently, doing his best to avert his eyes away from the firm round ass crammed in the tight denim jeans. He was sure Starsky gave them an extra wiggle just to torture him.
After entering the squad room Starsky headed directly to the coffee cart and poured a cup for himself.
Hutch stood by the door staring at steaming cup of coffee that had zero limits in accessing Starsky's lips.
"You sure you want to do that?" Hutch asked.
"Do what?"
"You aren't going to sleep a wink with all that caffeine," Hutch scolded.
Starsky's face broke into a mischievous smile. "I thought that's what you wanted, Blondie," he said, wriggling his eye brows suggestively. "Isn't that how you want me, all night long?"
Hutch's jaw dropped in disbelief.
The entire squad room broke out in laughter.
What the hell was wrong with Starsky? How dare he say things like that in front of everyone? Didn't he himself say that morning to not to even touch him affectionately in front of others?
Hutch quickly walked to his desk.
Starsky swayed away from the coffee cart grinning like a mad man. He picked up a newspaper lying on one of the officer's desk and slapped Hutch on his butt. "Get to work, Hutchinson. Sooner you finish, more time you'd have with
me tonight," he said, and winked at the others while making his way to his chair.
The squad room, again, erupted in laughter.
***
Hutch wasn't going to talk to him, touch him or look at him, again. His typewriter absorbed all the anger and frustration that had built up in him throughout the day.
While working on his reports, Starsky was joking about something with other fellow officers. Chuckles emerged from all corners of the squad room, and Hutch chose not to listen. How the man multitasked like that, Hutch never understood. He was determined to finish the report before Starsky did and get the hell out of there. Hutch groaned inwardly when he recalled that they had taken Starsky's car to work that day. Damn it!
Pushing the chair back, Starsky stood up and rubbed his palms. "Okay, I'm done. Going to the john." He left whistling a somewhat familiar tune, but Hutch couldn’t recall the song. Damn him! How the hell did Starsky get the writing done so
quickly?
Two of their fellow detectives, James and Mike, joined Hutch at his desk. "Hey Hutch," James called out. "Just so that you know, that's a typical Starsky behavior."
"What?" Hutch asked, confused.
"Of course he has a thing for long-legged blondes, but not your type," James chuckled.
"Come again?" Hutch was even more confused.
"You don't have to worry about Starsky coming on to you," Mike explained. "Because there's no one as straight as he is."
"Huh?" How the hell did they come to that conclusion?
"He's very popular among the ladies, you know. Don't think he has ever spend a night without a lady-friend. So if
there's one thing you don’t have to worry about, that's Starsky's preferences. He's not into men," Mike confirmed.
Hutch swallowed hard. "Really?" he asked, clearing his throat. He had me fooled, too, for a while.
"Yeah. He is a teaser, you know- And seeing you rattled up like that, he will go on doing it. That's our Starsky. So, you better get your act together, and either act up yourself, or try to ignore his advances," James advised.
"So is he like this with everyone? I mean, does he fool around you guys, too?" Hutch asked.
"No, well… I don't think he has," James said, quickly, exchanging a brief glance with Mike. "But, you know, you're the newbie here, consider this as your break-in period, Hutch."
Obviously James and Michael didn't know that Starsky and Hutch had known each other even before they were fully-fledged cops. But what was with that look they gave each other?
Hutch had started working with Starsky at the Metro a week ago after making partners. He was with the ninth precinct before that. He had known Starsky for almost three years now. They'd met at the police academy and become best friends within a short period, and then lovers, just before they started work as police officers. They met with each other after work, and had spent almost every night together. The nights they weren't, as far as Hutch could remember, had nothing to do with women; those were the days when one of them were working on a case overtime or were on a stakeout at night.
Both he and Starsky had dated women to keep up the pretenses, but they had never taken it beyond having drinks together; or at least that's what Hutch believed. So what have these men heard from Starsky's lady-friends? Why did they say that he's popular among women? Why are they so sure and convinced of Starsky's preferences? What did they know about Starsky that Hutch didn’t?
Hutch trusted Starsky, didn't he?
***
Hutch pondered about the advice he had received from James. Act up or ignore. What were the consequences? If Hutch responded positively towards Starsky's 'acting' would he really drop it, or would he even go beyond what he was doing now? On the other hand, if he ignored Starsky, would he get bored and cut the act or do more to get his attention. Not that it would bother him, of course, but Hutch never knew where he stood when Starsky was like this. He had to talk to Starsky
tonight; clear this up, and come to an understanding about why Starsky behaved like this in front of his friends. He couldn't spend time anticipating and worrying about Starsky's next move. What the hell was he supposed to do in times like this? Act up or ignore?
Starsky having fun with women still bothered him. Did Starsky spend nights with them as well? No. He didn't, he wouldn't! This is his Starsky! They were together during the past year. Except that week… two months ago, when Hutch visited his parents in Duluth. But Hutch had talked to Starsky every night over the phone for hours. Almost every night! There was that one night that he couldn't talk to Starsky because Starsky was invited to a Birthday party at Mike's house. It dawned on him that it could've been the day that something may have happened. Maybe Starsky hooked up with someone at the party, and maybe that's how Mike and all got to know about Starsky's 'talents' - But would Starsky do that to him? Hutch's mouth went dry and muscles around his throat constricted. Oh, God, No! It can't be. No! Starsky would never cheat on him.
But… there can't be smoke without a fire. So who lit the fire?
Starsky entered the room, still whistling. "You done, Hutch?" he asked, picking up his jacket from the chair.
"Just a minute," Hutch said clipping the report pages together. His hands trembled a little, probably because of the adrenalin rush that came with the newly acquired knowledge about Starsky.
"Do you wanna grab something to eat at The Pits?" Starsky asked.
Hutch looked up. Payback time! "Of course!" He said, grinning enthusiastically. "I would need my energy tonight, after all."
Starsky was taken aback for a second; just for a second.
Hutch's heart sank watching Starsky walking towards him with a devilishly handsome grin. Oh, no! I should've ignored. Too late for that, Hutchinson!
Starsky approached him, throwing the jacket on to a desk nearby.
"Oh, dhaaaarling, I was hoping you'd say that," said Starsky, grabbing Hutch's face with both palms giving him a loud smack kiss on his lips. "All right," he said, turning around instantly. "Let us get outta here." He picked up the jacket and walked out of the squad room, whistling again and saluting the others in the room. "It's gonna be a long loooong night."
Hutch stood frozen; shocked, and blushing to his roots. Damn Starsky!
Everyone else was laughing. "He's getting worse, that Starsky," said Mike with a glint in his eyes.
"Come on, Hutch. Get over it. You'll get used to him with time," James said kindly.
Hutch inhaled and exhaled, deeply and looked around. "So… you're sure he's straight, huh?" he asked.
"Absolutely, positively sure!"
"But he kissed me!" Hutch exclaimed. "Who would do that?" A man who is straight as a roundabout.
James chuckled. "He'll do more if you provoke him. Do you think he'd really kiss you in front of us if he was really into you?" he asked. "Come on. This is Starsky we're taking about."
Why the hell did James and Mike insisted on Starsky's heterosexuality. It was a good thing, wasn't it? It meant that no one would suspect whom Starsky shared his bed every night.
But then why did Hutch feel this slight pang of disappointment?
***
Starsky was still whistling that damn tune when Hutch got into the Torino beside him.
"What was all that about, huh? What the hell were you thinking?" Hutch asked angrily.
"Same as what you were thinking, apparently," Starsky chuckled. He started the engine and pulled away from the parking
lot.
"I had no choice. I had to react in some way," Hutch said sharply.
"You did good. The guys fell for it."
"You think so?" Hutch asked. "I kind of felt that Mike and James know something- about us, because after that stunt you pulled, I asked them whether you had ever behaved like that with them-"
"You didn't!" Starsky chortled.
"Why shouldn’t I? That's a very legitimate question of a straight guy, when he's attacked by some maniac-"
"So what did they say?" Starsky asked.
"It's not what they said; it's how they looked at each other as if to say that you'd never do anything like that to them. And I thought that it was kind of weird."
"Of course I wouldn't do that to them," Starsky said.
"Why not?" Hutch demanded.
"Because…" Starsky started and paused for a while before continuing. "Because they are a couple," he said slowly.
"What?" Hutch asked in disbelief. "No way!"
"No one knows. James was in an accident about a year ago, and he nearly died. I was with Mike at the hospital while James was in the OR, and Mike told me then. I had kind of suspected it for some time- from the way they looked at each other and so."
"They are a couple," said Hutch wistfully. And even they believed that Starsky wasn't gay. Why? Because they had heard
something from some woman. Hutch was back to square one. He couldn’t get rid of the wariness and the troubling suspicions clouding his mind.
"I'm not hungry," said Hutch when Starsky took a right turn, obviously planning to eat at The Pits as he had suggested in the squad room.
"Well… I am!" exclaimed Starsky. "If you aren't hungry now, we can get something to go."
"I don't need anything to go. Just drop me at my apartment. Okay?" Hutch wasn't sure whether he was angry, disappointed or frustrated. Angry of Starsky's stunts. Disappointed to hear about Starsky and women, though this was not a secret between them, but still… He was also frustrated because he hadn't even given Starsky a friendly peck the whole day; and whose fault was that? He thought grudgingly. Hutch had kept his hands to himself.
Instead of going to The Pits Starsky made a U turn at the next traffic lights and headed back towards their apartments. He remained silent throughout the rest of the ride until he stopped at Hutch's apartment at the canal. "What's wrong, Hutch? You aren't angry about what happened back there, are you?"
"I'm just tired," Hutch lied. "I just need to get some decent sleep. That's all."
"I see."
"Besides, I'm sure you have some lady-friends you have to entertain, time-to-time," Hutch said bitterly.
"What's that supposed to mean? What lady-friends?"
"Looks like everyone else knows about them." Hutch opened the Torino door to get out, but Starsky grabbed him by his collar.
"What the hell?" Starsky's eyes flashed dangerously. "What ladies? Who knows about whom?" pulling Hutch towards him, Starsky asked angrily.
"Let go of me, Starsky." Hutch pulled away, trying to get some space between him and Starsky. There was only an inch or two separating them.
"I will - if you tell me what this madness is all about," Starsky snarled.
"You know what I mean," Hutch continued, angrily. "Your popularity among ladies; I'm sure that wasn't a product of just flashing a smile around." He pushed Starsky's hand away from him. The physical closeness was too much for him to handle for the moment. A mix of emotions churned his gut leaving him tied in knots. Without saying another word Hutch got off the Torino. He walked up to his apartment door, unlocked it and stepped inside without so much of a glance at Starsky. He didn't want to witness the hurt his words caused.
What the hell happened? Was this our first real fight? Hutch wished he could go back and undone everything he did that day. He had acted like a spoiled child.
Starsky had not done anything wrong.
And now Hutch had destroyed the one and only thing that mattered to him in his life. He had hurt Starsky for nothing!
***
Hutch took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and the dark blue t-shirt Starsky had bought him last year. Starsky couldn't keep his hands off him when he wore it, and he was counting on that tonight. He was going over to Starsky's and apologize for being such a jerk.
Just as he was picking up the car keys from the dining table there was a knock at the door. Two seconds later the door opened, and in came Starsky with a pizza and a case of beer. He was still wearing the clothes he wore to work. "Going somewhere?" he asked, standing at the door.
"Not anymore," replied Hutch. He put the keys back on the dining table.
"Don't let me keep you waiting." Starsky moved away from the door.
"I… I was planning to go over to your place."
Starsky watched Hutch intently, with no change of his expression. "You still want to go to my place?"
Hutch shook his head, feeing foolish and stupid. He brought this on himself.
"You wanna tell me what all that was about?" Starsky asked. "I don't want to go bed, with or without you, when something's hanging over my head like this."
"Me neither," said Hutch truthfully.
"I need to take a shower, first. Throw this in the oven for a bit - will ya? It's already cold." Starsky slid the pizza along the table towards Hutch and walked into the bedroom.
"Since when did you stop eating cold pizza?" Hutch asked, taking out the pizza and placing it on the oven rack. He set the oven to warm.
Starsky walked into the bathroom with a bundle clothes in his arms. "Cold pizza is what sits in the fridge overnight - That's what you should eat in the morning, not now."
Hutch paced up and down between the kitchen and living room while Starsky was in the bathroom. Dry humor- that's all what it was. Starsky wasn't smiling through any of it. He wasn't going to cut him any slack anymore. Hutch had to be careful choosing his next words, and truthful of everything, but he himself wasn't sure what the truth was. He could be honest about his feelings. What he wanted and what he thought of everything; honesty was the key. Hutch sighed.
***
Starsky sat at the dining table, with a pizza slice on his plate and a beer next to him. "I'm hungry, I need to eat. I can't think on an empty stomach."
Starsky had chosen a chair at the dinner table. He hadn't moved to the couch, or a comfy chair. This meant stay away from me until I'm done with my dinner. Moreover, this meant, stay away from me until I'm done with you.
Hutch nodded, picking at his pizza slice. He couldn't complain about dinner as half of the pizza was loaded with veggies.
Starsky pushed his plate away after two pieces of pizza. Way below his normal dinner. He gulped his beer down and reached for another.
Hutch had eaten a slice with much difficulty. He wasn't hungry for food. He was hungry for Starsky. Jeez, he closed his eyes and sighed.
"So… what made you blow up like that?" Starsky asked, leaning against the wooden chair.
"I reacted unnecessarily," Hutch answered.
"Okay- got that. So what made you to react unnecessarily?"
Hutch sighed deeply. Damage control! "Starsk- I'm sorry. I was an ass."
"Got that too. So tell me what happened."
Starsky was too calm. This wasn't a good sign.
The truth! Nothing but the truth! "When you went to take a leak, the guys - they- they thought that I was upset about what you did. I don't think they even know that we've known each other for some time."
"No - I guess they don't. I haven't mentioned anything - I mean, never had to."
"Yeah- that's what I thought, too. Anyway- Mike and James came over and tried to console me. They thought I was upset and wondering whether you were… errr... gay or so. They told me that I don’t have to worry about you; that you are straight as an arrow, and that- that you are very popular among ladies."
"So?"
"So - that's it."
"That's it?" Starsky asked annoyingly. "That’s it? And you - you - this whole fiasco was because they said that I am popular among ladies?"
Hutch nodded, feeling like a dumb ass.
Starsky pushed his chair backwards and got up. "You thought I've cheated on you?" he asked with a hint of annoyance.
"No. no, Starsk, I- I-"
Starsky raised his arm and signaled Hutch to stop. "When the hell did I even had time to-" Starsky paused, his dark blue eyes blazing with anger. "Let me think for a while," he said.
And that meant, I'm going to think like you do. Starsky's wheels were in motion, and he would travel the exact path Hutch had taken. Starsky would soon find out everything that went on Hutch's mind.
"Ah-" Starsky nodded, as if he understood everything. "Of course," he continued. "There was that one time when you were visiting your parents- wouldn't it? Mike's party. You thought I cheated on you with some bimbo I met at his birthday party. Didn't you?"
"I don't know what I thought, okay?" Hutch ran his fingers through his hair impatiently. "I - we had never discussed the specifics when it came to dating women-"
"Never talked about specifics?" Starsky fumed. "Specifics? – Like whether I should kiss my date on her mouth or on her cheek, and if I kiss her on the mouth should I stop at her lips or whether I should stick my tongue down her throat and if I –"
"Stop- Stop it. That's- that's not what I meant."
"Then what exactly did you mean, partner, because I have no clue."
"God, Starsky, I don’t know! I was jealous, okay," Hutch stated the truth. That was all and everything when it came down what he really felt. "I was jealous."
Starsky seemed to calm down a bit, but he looked even more confused. "Of whom?" he asked.
"Of everyone else who took my place, time to time."
Starsky closed his eyes for a moment as if to get this thoughts together. He rubbed his nose and sat back in the chair.
"No one took your place. There's no one on this earth that can take your place. Not now. Not ever."
***
Hutch glanced at his partner sitting on the couch, sipping his beer. He had been silent for quite a bit of time now.
Hutch's frustration and everything else that had rooted from the jealousy he had nursed within him had vanished into thin air upon hearing Starsky's words.
Finally Starsky looked up. "I was thinking of the women I had gone out with-"
"Starsky, don't!" Hutch interrupted. "I don't have to know any of it."
"No- No, you have to. We have to get this over with."
Starsky's words knocked against Hutch's chest like an angry fist. Get over with what? Get over with me, all together? Hutch hoped Starsky referred just to the arisen current situation.
"I was thinking what made the guys say what they said- I mean- there should be a reason, and I think I know why. Do you remember Lisa?"
"Lisa?" Hutch thought for a while- The name did ring a bell. Was she the girl they'd met at The Pits a couple of months back. She was with a group of people who had come to Bay City to watch a baseball game. Hutch had met with Starsky after work as usual to have dinner. This was before they became partners.
"The baseball girl?"
"Yeah- That one."
It was the State Championship between BC and Daly City. Most of the people who had come to town for the game were at The Pits that night. Lisa, a tall blonde, was among the crowd. She had dragged Starsky for a dance and had not let go of him all night. Who could resist Starsky's charms and dancing, anyway? She had a little too much to drink that day, celebrating Daly City's victory. At the end of the day, Lisa couldn't even tell them where she stayed that night. Not knowing what to do, they had brought Lisa to Starsky's apartment, partly afraid that she'd fall into the arms of a wrong doer. Starsky had laid her in his bed, and Hutch had gone back to his apartment.
"I know you didn't sleep with her," said Hutch.
"No, I didn't. The next day morning I dropped her at her hotel before coming to work. She thanked us for everything, for not taking advantage of her, and for keeping her safe that night. She remembered that we were detectives. I think… I think she kind of suspected that you and I were involved."
"Did you say anything?"
"No. But she may have guessed- Women's intuition! I didn't think of it that much at the time but she said that true love was hard to come by and that she was happy for me." Starsky paused for a while.
"She came to see me that evening before she left to Daly. I was in Dobey's office briefing him on a case that I was working on, and when I stepped out, there she was - chatting with Mike and the others – I think- I think she said something to them."
"About us?"
"No. She told them that she had spent the night with me. And I believe she gave them some very colorful details of the night."
"She lied?"
"She's a smart girl, Hutch. She wanted to do something for us, and she did the best she could. When I walked her back to the car she told me that I shouldn't worry about anything. She said, after all Dave, you were recommended to me by a friend of mine, who had got the recommendation from another. And I told the guys that it was the best night of my life."
She may have been very convincing with her story. Convincing enough to even to fool Hutch, indirectly. "I should've known." Hutch said apologetically.
"Stories like that are what keeps us safe, Hutch. Allowing the people around us to believe what they want to believe, to make them not see the inevitable, to make them blind to what's going on right under their noses is what allows me to hold you in my arms every night." Starsky wasn't angry anymore, but his voice was full of pain. "Did you honestly believe that I would make love to someone else in our bed, Hutch?"
"God, Starsk." Hutch smothered the panicky surge in his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it through like that."
"No. I guess not," Starsky said and stood up. "James and Mike had invited only a handful of people for their party. All of them knew about their relationship, and none of them were women." He left the beer bottle on the coffee table, fidgeting with it. "How could you, Hutch?" he asked looking up, sadness flooding his eyes. "How could you even think for a moment that I would have room for someone else in my life?"
Hutch had caused so much of heartache and pain with his actions. The healing should begin. He had to wipe out the grief that clouded those dark blue eyes, allowing them to sparkle and dance with joy. "Starsk… I'm sorry," He began.
"I know." Starsky nodded. He turned away from Hutch towards the door. "Its' getting late- and I think I should get going," he said.
"Go? Go where?" Hutch stepped in front of Starsky in a flash. Wasn't Starsky planning to spend the night with him, like they always do? "You don't want to stay?" Was he going to end everything and walk out of Hutch's life?
Starsky lowered his head, not meeting Hutch's eyes. "I was planning to, but… I don' think I should. Not tonight."
Not tonight. Hutch had said that he wanted some decent sleep. "Is it because of what I said earlier?" Hutch rested his hands on Starsky's shoulders.
"What did you say earlier?" Starsky asked slowly, and looked up from beneath his droopy eyelids.
"That- that I needed some decent sleep."
"You said that?" Starsky asked, his brows knitted together in confusion. He shook his head. "I don't remember."
Hutch sighed. So it wasn't that. Of course! Starsky wasn't the kind of person who'd hold a grudge or ponder upon petty things like that. "Then why aren't you staying?"
"I think it would be good- for both of us- to take some time off to think of-"
"No-" Hutch sad fiercely, tightening his hold on Starsky. "No. I don't need any time off, Starsk. I can't have any time off without you."
"Hutch-" Starsky protested.
"No," Hutch cut him off effectively. "You are not going anywhere, tonight. Remember? You said I can have you all night long." Hutch would have said and done everything to stop Starsky from reaching the door. He yanked Starsky closer. "A promise is a promise. The only place you are going to be is in my bed." Even as he spoke Hutch lowered his lips, not wanting to waste another moment without feeling and tasting his love. Hutch hoped what he saw in those deep blue eyes were a flicker of desire.
****
When Starsky parted his lips it was more of a demand than an invitation. Hutch desperately commanded his trembling fingers to get rid of Starsky's shirt by unbuttoning it without ripping it apart. He wasn't going anywhere with his clumsiness as Starsky pushed his hands away and took control of the deed. Hutch had no memory of walking to his bedroom from the living room. He had no memory of how his body was pressed against Starsky's with his system on the verge to shudder, tremble and quake.
Getting rid of his shirt with one swift move, Starsky then forced Hutch's t-shirt away from his body, above his head, and along his arms and threw it on the floor. He pulled Hutch close to him. "You drive me crazy as hell, you know that?" he said roughly, against Hutch's mouth, burying his fingers in Hutch's hair.
Knowing what exactly Starsky liked, Hutch nipped at Starsky's lower lip and allowed his tongue to playfully soothe the tiny bites, and then hurting and soothing again and again. His arms roamed over Starsky's taut arm muscles, his chest and back, squeezing, massaging, stroking; erasing the ugliness he had lathered on Starsky that day. "I never thought I could love you
more today than I did yesterday, Starsk," Hutch said between his kisses. "But you make me fall in love with you all over again, every day."
Starsky's throaty moan sent pleasure ripples rough Hutch's body. He was drowning with longing and desire. Hutch was thankful when Starsky took to the task of stripping away the remaining clothes on both of them, one by one. He pushed Hutch onto the bed, grinding his groin against Hutch and pressing his hardness against Hutch's thigh. His lips skimmed along Hutch's lips, throat and bare chest imprinting a fiery brand across Hutch's bare skin, driving him farther and farther away from sanity. Hutch's raw needs and desires exploded within him, and he no longer wanted to think. He only wanted to feel Starsky; on him, in him, around him. Nothing else.
They had been together as lovers for nearly three years, but tonight was different. Hutch felt that it was the first day of the rest of their life. It was as if he had waited for a life time for this day. "I want you," he murmured, entwining his limbs around Starsky.
"Soon," Starsky promised, dragging Hutch against him. He claimed Hutch's lips again, and again, devouring him, driving him insane with a scrape of teeth and tongue.
Hutch moved with Starsky together with unison and rhythm, turning Hutch's body into a furnace. The pressure built up with each move, each stroke, and every touch. He was spiraling down and soaring up.
"There's no one else in the world for me Hutch. You, and only you," Starsky whispered, as his fingers closed around Hutch, making his world go up in flames.
Hutch shuddered, gasping for air and reaching for Starsky, calling out his name over and over again.
Starsky's burning fingers dig into Hutch; his skin was damp with sweat, his eyes darkened with desire; he followed Hutch's path in a flash. Shuddering and trembling, Starsky collapsed onto Hutch.
Hutch had a million words racing in his mind, but couldn't manage to put together a few to come up with a meaningful sentence to describe what Starsky meant to him; what Starsky had done for him. Instead he pulled Starsky up and made him lie on a pillow, and threw the covers over their bodies. Starsky wrapped his arm around Hutch, holding him close to his heart.
Hutch pressed his lips against the hairy chest beneath him and closed his eyes, allowing the rhythm of Starsky's heartbeat to lull him to sleep.
***
Hutch woke up to Starsky's soft snores. Removing Starsky's arm gently away from its protective grip around his waist, Hutch moved away from Starsky. He propped on his elbow and rested his head on his palm. He watched Starsky breathe in and out, steadily. Having night lights in their bedrooms was the best idea Starsky had come up with, Hutch mused.
Hutch smiled when Starsky scrunched his nose. Must be an imaginary tickle, Hutch mused adoringly, made by an itsy bitsy spider. He could make it real, Hutch thought. He crouched closer and just as he raised his arm to stroke Starsky's cheek Starsky stopped snoring. Starsky wasn't awake yet, but his brows drew closer in a frown; he appeared to be restless. In his sleep he patted the bed close to him, as if for searching for something, or for someone. His movements stopped when his arm came to rest on Hutch's shoulder. Sighing deeply he tugged at Hutch's arm until Hutch snuggled into the nook of Starsky's neck and shoulder.
"'utch," Starsky mumbled in his sleep and pressed his lips to Hutch's head.
Hutch's heart skipped a beat; his throat constricted; tears stung his eyes. How could he ever doubt the love of this man? Even in sleep Starsky's body and mind yearned for Hutch. His heart wanted Hutch. The name that escaped from Starsky's lips weren't of any Jane, Anne, Sandy, Mary or Cathy. He said Hutch. Hutch!
Warmth surging through his chest, Hutch groaned and snaked his arm around Starsky's waist bringing him even closer.
Starsky tensed, momentarily. "Hutch?" Starsky asked, apparently fully awake and sensing Hutch's agitation. "What's wrong, Hutch?"
"Nothing," said Hutch, dragging his fingertips along Starsky's jaw and resting them at the back of his neck.
"You okay?"
"No," Hutch said hoarsely. "I won't be okay unless I make love to you all night long." He said, capturing Starsky's lips and sliding his tongue between Starsky's lips.
Starsky didn’t seem to need any coaxing, as he welcomed Hutch in his mouth, clasping and clutching.
Dazed and desperate, Hutch's arms roamed freely on Starsky's body, possessing and demanding, discovering and fueling his passion for the one man he loved more than life itself. Hutch wanted to drive Starsky wild that night, and many more to come; drive him wild with passion and love. Muffling Starsky's groans with his kisses, Hutch opened up a space where his love, fierce and hot as a fire, burnt and surrounded the one and only man he would love in this life. The world as he knew it had seized to exist. In this perfect moment, nothing else mattered.
Starsky's heavily lidded eyes got darker and darker with passion. "Hutch," his hot breath whispered into Hutch's mouth as their lips met, tasted, parted and teased.
The unspoken promise in a single word made Hutch tremble to his core. It was the only sound he wanted to hear, now and forever. His body fused and molded against Starsky perfectly, Hutch climbed and conquered heights only he could've reached together with Starsky. His limbs tangled with Starsky's as he rolled over the bed, demanding, taking, and giving. His desires merging with Starsky's needs, heightened and rose to the peak, until his body could withstand no more. Just as Hutch reached the moment where he couldn't last any longer, Starsky embraced him wildly, exploding into his own shuddering release.
Hutch didn't want the night to end. He was unable to understand or explain the emotions that swamped him so strongly that it hurt to breathe. He buried his face in Starsky's chest, his breath escaping in little gusts of air between his teeth.
Starsky gasped and held on to Hutch; his body sill trembling and shaking. His chest heaved as he ran his fingers along Hutch's spine.
"Starsk?" Hutch managed a whisper.
"Later," Starsky mumbled. "Senses overloaded."
Hutch's lips curved with a smile. "Okay," he chuckled, softly.
"Are you?" asked Starsky.
"Hmm?" Hutch asked.
"Are you, okay?"
"For now, yes." Hutch answered sleepily. He thought of Mike and James. Did they, too, spend their nights together? Did they share the same closeness he and Starsky shared? Hutch would see them in a new light now, and maybe, one day, he and Starsky could share their relationship with them as well.
"Hutch?"
"Hmm…"
"We could tell them, you know," Starsky said.
"Telling whom about what?" Hutch asked, sleepily. "You mean telling Mike and James about us?"
"Yes."
Starsky was obviously worried about Hutch's feelings, and he was willing to take the risk of sharing their secret with someone else. Starsky always made sure to make Hutch happy.
Hutch shifted his position so that he could look into Starsky's eyes. "No," he answered, definitively. He ran his fingers through Starsky's tangled curls, gently. "It's better this way. At least for now."
"You don't want anyone to know about us?" Starsky asked, confused.
"I wish we could, but you were right, Starsk." Hutch sighed deeply. "It's not a good idea. We could lose everything. We may even put them in danger."
"You sure?"
"Yes- we can always be this straight couple," Hutch said, smiling.
"Okay, then," Starsky agreed. "I think we should get some sleep now." He yawned. "What's the time?"
Hutch propped himself up and craned his neck towards the alarm clock on the night stand. "Two thirty," he said.
"We have a few hours left until morning." Starsky plumped up the pillows and fell onto them. "Now you should turn around," he said, coaxing Hutch to turn onto his side.
"Why?" asked Hutch frowning. He didn't want to lose body contact.
"Just do it," said Starsky, and cuddled up against Hutch's back allowing Hutch to rest his head on Starsky's biceps.
"Is this how you want me?" Hutch asked as Starsky wrapped himself around Hutch.
"No- Yes- No- I mean- this is how you want me," Starsky said. "This is how you sleep the best."
"I do?" Hutch asked welcoming the warmth and security promised by Starsky's arms around him.
"You sleep whole night, without waking up time to time, when I hold you like this," Starsky said softly, pressing his lips to the sensitive area at the back of Hutch's earlobe.
Hutch curled his toes as warm sensations travelled through his veins. "Keep doing that and you're not going to sleep tonight," Hutch warned him.
Starsky's mouth widened against Hutch's neck. "Wasn't that what you wanted?" he asked, hugging Hutch tightly.
Hutch wished he could see the emotions that rushed into Starsky's eyes. "Hmm… would be nice. Maybe we could call in sick tomorrow."
Dream on, hot shot."
Sighing deeply Hutch tightened his grip on Starsky's arm that was resting on his hips.
"Starsk?" Hutch called out.
"Hmm?"
"I don't think a woman would ever spend a night with you."
"Why not?"
"Because you keep on saying my name in your sleep."
"Do not!" Starsky disagreed sleepily.
"Did, too," said Hutch, drifting off and smiling faintly.
Starsky snuggled in closer. "You've brainwashed me," he said, relaxing against Hutch.
Hutch recalled, no matter how he had gone to sleep at nights, most of the time he would wake up in this position, where Starsky was spooning him head to toe. So was this his favorite sleeping position? Starsky, and only Starsky would figure out something like that. Only he would know what Hutch exactly needed.
And Starsky would need Hutch, and only Hutch. Hutch would make sure of that.
***The End***
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