What Happens in Vegas Can't Always Stay in Vegas by Sam KW.
H: You know… if this is an easy one, maybe we can get back to Rachel and Mary, huh?
S: Rachel and Mary? Sounds like a small college back east.
H: No, no. That's William and Mary.
S: Rachel and Mary. William and Mary. What's the difference?
H: They were married.
S: To who?
H: To each other. Who do you think?
S: Hm. Interesting.
H: Yeah. Just like you and me.
S: What?
H: I said, like you and me.
S: We ain't married!
H: You don't remember, do you?
S: Remember what?
H: That we got married, and have been married for seventeen months.
S: Seventeen mo - - you got to be kiddin' me!
H: Why should I?
S: I don't know! You tell me. Wouldn't I know that we are married, IF we'd gotten married?
H: That's what I thought, too. Apparently, you can't remember. Obviously, it didn't mean anything to you.
S: Now, wait a minute. How did this happen?
H: Right after I popped the question and you said yes.
S: When was that?
H: After you kissed me.
S: Wait, WHAT? I kissed you?
H: You don't remember that, either, huh?
S: Stop messin' around. Just tell me when.
H: When we were in Vegas. That's WHEN!
S: Vegas? You mean when we were sent to--
H: Yes. And after we wrapped up the case, you and I had a couple of drinks.
S: And you asked me to marry you?
H: After you kissed me.
S: But you asked me?
H: Yes.
S: Why?
H: Seemed like a good idea at the time.
S: And we got married, for real?
H: As far as I know, it was real.
S: I want a divorce.
H: What? Why?
S: Because… because we can't stay married! That's why!
H: How so?
S: We're two guys!
H: What's that got to do with marriage?
S: Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Everyone knows that!
H: But did you also know that marriage is a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law?
S: Speak in English, will ya?
H: What's the big deal? You've been married to me for seventeen months now. You never complained.
S: But I didn’t even know I was married to you. So why would I complain about something I didn't know about?
H: My point exactly. Knowing about it shouldn’t make any difference.
S: Whass'a matter with you? I ain't gonna marry you.
H: You already did, Starsky. Besides, Dobey always tells us that we're like an old married couple.
S: That's because he's insane, just like you are.
H: Well. Like it or not, partner, we are partners.
S: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We ain't married anymore. Our marriage isn’t real.
H: How so?
S: Because… because we didn’t have a honeymoon. And we have not consumed the marriage. So it isn't valid.
H: Consummated.
S: 'T's what I said.
H: So… if we had consumed our marriage, would you take me to be your lawfully wedded partner?
S: You're already my partner.
H: But we haven't completed the process… according to you.
S: What I meant was, we are partners. Not partner-partners.
H: Oh! So you don’t want me to be your partner-partner, anymore? After seventeen months--
S: Will you stop that!
H: What if I take you on a real honeymoon?
S: A honeymoon?
H: How about Paris?
S: Yeah?
H: Yeah.
S: We don’t have the money. We can't spend our savings like that. Especially if we're going to stay married. Oh, Gawd, what am I sayin'?
H: Let us just assume that I arranged it. Will you go with me on our honeymoon?
S: Well… if it's our honeymoon, then I will have to go with you, right?
H: Right!
S: Hey! Wait a minute. How come I don't have a ring?
H: We didn’t have time to get rings, Starsk. You kissed me, and all I wanted was to marry you.
S: You liked it?
H: What?
S: My kiss.
H: I really can't remember- It was seventeen months ago. If you kiss me again, I can tell.
S: Yeah?
H: Yeah.
S: XOXOXOXO
H: XOXOXOXO
S: Holy--
H: Mother of--
S: Will you marry me, Hutch?
H: Yes, I will, Starsk.
***********************************************
H: You know… if this is an easy one, maybe we can get back to Rachel and Mary, huh?
S: Rachel and Mary? Sounds like a small college back east.
H: No, no. That's William and Mary.
S: Rachel and Mary. William and Mary. What's the difference?
H: They were married.
S: To who?
H: To each other. Who do you think?
S: Hm. Interesting.
H: Yeah. Just like you and me.
S: What?
H: I said, like you and me.
S: We ain't married!
H: You don't remember, do you?
S: Remember what?
H: That we got married, and have been married for seventeen months.
S: Seventeen mo - - you got to be kiddin' me!
H: Why should I?
S: I don't know! You tell me. Wouldn't I know that we are married, IF we'd gotten married?
H: That's what I thought, too. Apparently, you can't remember. Obviously, it didn't mean anything to you.
S: Now, wait a minute. How did this happen?
H: Right after I popped the question and you said yes.
S: When was that?
H: After you kissed me.
S: Wait, WHAT? I kissed you?
H: You don't remember that, either, huh?
S: Stop messin' around. Just tell me when.
H: When we were in Vegas. That's WHEN!
S: Vegas? You mean when we were sent to--
H: Yes. And after we wrapped up the case, you and I had a couple of drinks.
S: And you asked me to marry you?
H: After you kissed me.
S: But you asked me?
H: Yes.
S: Why?
H: Seemed like a good idea at the time.
S: And we got married, for real?
H: As far as I know, it was real.
S: I want a divorce.
H: What? Why?
S: Because… because we can't stay married! That's why!
H: How so?
S: We're two guys!
H: What's that got to do with marriage?
S: Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Everyone knows that!
H: But did you also know that marriage is a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law?
S: Speak in English, will ya?
H: What's the big deal? You've been married to me for seventeen months now. You never complained.
S: But I didn’t even know I was married to you. So why would I complain about something I didn't know about?
H: My point exactly. Knowing about it shouldn’t make any difference.
S: Whass'a matter with you? I ain't gonna marry you.
H: You already did, Starsky. Besides, Dobey always tells us that we're like an old married couple.
S: That's because he's insane, just like you are.
H: Well. Like it or not, partner, we are partners.
S: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We ain't married anymore. Our marriage isn’t real.
H: How so?
S: Because… because we didn’t have a honeymoon. And we have not consumed the marriage. So it isn't valid.
H: Consummated.
S: 'T's what I said.
H: So… if we had consumed our marriage, would you take me to be your lawfully wedded partner?
S: You're already my partner.
H: But we haven't completed the process… according to you.
S: What I meant was, we are partners. Not partner-partners.
H: Oh! So you don’t want me to be your partner-partner, anymore? After seventeen months--
S: Will you stop that!
H: What if I take you on a real honeymoon?
S: A honeymoon?
H: How about Paris?
S: Yeah?
H: Yeah.
S: We don’t have the money. We can't spend our savings like that. Especially if we're going to stay married. Oh, Gawd, what am I sayin'?
H: Let us just assume that I arranged it. Will you go with me on our honeymoon?
S: Well… if it's our honeymoon, then I will have to go with you, right?
H: Right!
S: Hey! Wait a minute. How come I don't have a ring?
H: We didn’t have time to get rings, Starsk. You kissed me, and all I wanted was to marry you.
S: You liked it?
H: What?
S: My kiss.
H: I really can't remember- It was seventeen months ago. If you kiss me again, I can tell.
S: Yeah?
H: Yeah.
S: XOXOXOXO
H: XOXOXOXO
S: Holy--
H: Mother of--
S: Will you marry me, Hutch?
H: Yes, I will, Starsk.
***********************************************